I just want to watch him clean my house. Is that too much to ask? Yes his mind is a bag of cats but I reckon he’d be down for anything – even wear your shoes if you asked the right way. This multi-accented, luxurious haired prince of darkness would take you on a date and either kiss you at the end of the night, or grab you by the waist and abseil down the nearest building- probably both and not necessarily in that order. As for his tumultuous temper, well brooding can be hot, but he is going to have to play some Uno once in a while or it’ll never work.
1. The wise short one once said “I don’t drink these days. I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs.” Indeed, the whole bad boy gone good schtick is really really attractive.
2. His predilection for kooky two piece suits and trainers. Were a lesser man to grace the red carpet in a similar fashion he’d be arrested for disturbing the peace.
3. He SINGS, you guys.
4. And plays the piano.
5. He comes across as slightly crazy. Like you’ll get in from work and he’ll be wearing a colander on his head. Probably just to make you laugh.
6. Yes he’s old enough to be my dad – but when that bothers me I’ll send you an email.
WHY? Ah, Renner. A seriously red-blooded male and the hottest archer this side of Pluto. His performance as shaft-slinging Hawkeye in The Avengers was quietly badass as well as engaging and sent all the girls’ hearts a-quiver (geddit?). He sings AND plays the guitar AND the piano, AND could probably persuade Scarlett Johansson to get nekkid for the internet again if he wanted to. There needs – I repeat, NEEDS – to be a film that includes him tickling Gymnopedie No 1 on the ivories before smacking someone in the throat – in fact I need to write it.
(“Editor’s” note: Contributed by Hannah Deen. That’s right, I have contributors now. Ball so hard)
WHY? When Andrex waxed lyrical about the perfect balance of soft and strong, Hemsworth was clearly their inspiration. He just looks the type who could benchpress your car for forty minutes, then stroll into the kitchen and make fairy cakes while singing Dolly Parton. He’s gloriously blonde and built like an Olympian, with a “no wuckers” surfer dude smile. Plus he’s got legs for days. Even his Thor co-star Tom Hiddleston is sprung off this big, healthy gentleman. And his rustic, denim-clad, Australian drawl could churn butter. Just as well, he’ll need it for those fairy cakes.
WHY? With a name smoother than a Werther’s Original his tenuous grip on the English language doesn’t really matter. The man is a facial composite of smouldering: Cary Grant jawline. Sean Connery circa-From-Russia-With-Love hair. Taylor Lautner eyes. Your boy is iced out with accolades, is hugely talented, and he can SING, ladies – in French mind, so no Bruno Mars just yet – but his quirky Franco-humour more than makes up for it. Va-va-voom? In spades.
WHY? This tall drink of water is 6 ft 5 inches of handsome and nifty with his hands – (on the decks, obvs), and our shared love of food can only be matched by our shared love of his music. His accent changes with the weather but when it’s Scottish it’s sexy. Even if it was Senegalese it would be hot. Plus, a man who can make you shake it ’til you break it can’t be bad, right? And he doesn’t like T4 much. Which is a bonus. Yer skinny-jean-clad electro KNIGHT, yer. 😉
WHY? Apparently if you look at his body from a certain angle it reflects the light from Saturn’s rings. Men, women and panthers wanna be him. If he ever flew to the moon there’d be no sexy left on the planet. Don’t ya just wanna count his tattoos? And only Evans could get away with wearing those snug little Captain America tights, anyhow. Star-spangled man, indeed.